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I mention that an American writer wrote a cover story in the on the remarkable and exotic fact that she was in her late 30s and had never married. To them this obsession, this nagging necessity for weddings, the lack of general acceptance toward other pretty common ways of living, is so foreign, so uniquely American, such a quaint narrowness, that it’s incomprehensible as an actual mode of modern life.

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Singles and couples feel that you can be a part of something at the ST, something fun, and you can be.

I try to describe to a couple of audiences in Amsterdam the against-the-grainness of someone, especially a woman, who has not married in America.

I try to explain how having children outside of marriage is still considered an alternative, and essentially inferior life choice. It seemed like a crazy American thing for marriage to matter so much.

Sometimes people get around to getting married, and sometimes they don’t.

Several Dutch women in their 40s, with children and rich romantic histories, tell me about marriage, “It just wasn’t something that mattered to me.” As a popular view, this laissez faire approach accommodates the vicissitudes of the heart, the changing nature of love, the great variety of forms attachments take in real life.